Session Overview
Many highly sensitive children develop negative beliefs about themselves because the world repeatedly suggests their sensitivity is a flaw. This session focuses on building genuine, grounded self-esteem, not based on performance or comparison, but rooted in their authentic identity and innate worth.
Signs of Self-Esteem in HSC
- Positive view of their innate qualities
- Can choose to play alone without self-judgment
- Can make friends and feel comfortable in their skin
- Proud of achievements, even small ones
- Can admit mistakes without collapsing
- Willing to try new things despite anxiety
- Negative self-image, feels different, flawed, misunderstood
- Lacks confidence to choose what they need
- Finds friendships difficult; may be more withdrawn
- Avoids new things; change feels dangerous
- Strong inner critic that dominates self-talk
- Held back by perfectionism and fear of failure
When a sensitive child is repeatedly told "you're too sensitive," "stop overreacting," "toughen up," they begin to internalize these messages as truth. They suppress their authentic self and build an inauthentic persona that says: "Being who I am is not safe. I need to be different to be acceptable."
Our work in this session is about dismantling those false beliefs and rebuilding identity on the foundation of genuine strengths and worth.
Your Child's Core Self: The 8 C's
According to IFS founder Dr. Richard Schwartz, every child has a core Self that is already whole. When connected to this Self, they naturally express these eight qualities:
Your role as a parent is to create the conditions where your child's core Self can emerge, by reducing shame, increasing safety, and celebrating who they already are.
Working With Beliefs: The Body Connection
Practical Ways to Build Self-Esteem Daily
- Strength-spotting daily: Name a specific strength you observed today. Not generic praise, specific observation: "You stayed patient when that was really hard for you, that's resilience."
- Effort over outcome: Celebrate the attempt, not just the result. "You kept trying even when it was hard, that takes courage."
- Normalize struggle: "Even the people I admire most find some things hard. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you."
- Reframe sensitivity as strength: Keep connecting the trait to its gifts. "You noticed she was upset before anyone else, that's your empathy."
- Create success experiences: Identify activities where your child naturally excels and give them more of those.
- Protect from chronic shame: Watch for patterns of shame in language, comparison, or the expectations you or others hold.
- What beliefs do you think your child currently holds about themselves? Where do you think these came from?
- What beliefs do you want your child to hold by the time they are adults? How can you begin planting those now?
- What strengths do you see in your child that they cannot yet see in themselves?
- Every day, tell your child ONE specific strength you observed. Not "You're so smart", but "You stayed patient when that was really hard. That's resilience."
- Try the Body Belief exercise from this session together.
- Start a "Strength Journal"a simple book where your child can record things they are proud of, however small.